Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
