i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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