her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
50% drunk capacity currently
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
