she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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