I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
