ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
