the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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