How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This is my gift to your gina
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
