I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
