Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
