my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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