What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
