so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
