I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
