piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
