I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dicks are not precious.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
