There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
