I have demons in me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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