I must be too annoying 4 u.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
