I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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