Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I looked at my own cervix.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
