your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
