some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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