My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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