She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
