Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Will you blow on my dice?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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