i think my tv is drunk
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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