First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
