Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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