Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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