I need help removing her.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
