We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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