i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
