mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
