My hand turned me down
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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