I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
