your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
