I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
