dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
