Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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