She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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