Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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