well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
