my phone needs a breathalizer
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
