Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
