she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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