Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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