i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
