is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
