Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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