Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
