So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
